The Match - Worst Dating App Ever

Isn't this easy to understand?

Trying to explain the NRMP match to anyone not graduating medical school is an ordeal, to say the least. Here's a video, for anyone who might care.

Around first year of medical school, I didn't give "matching" much thought because I didn't even know what I wanted to do. Mostly, I planned to do primary care because I thought I'd be good at it since I'm multi-lingual, and I didn't want to be in training until middle age (which, hah-hah now that I'm going into pathology).

The idea is simple enough: graduating medical students or anyone who's met the minimum requirements to start residency in the United States, as well as all teaching hospitals sign up for The Match. Applicants send their ERAS application (which is on a different site and costs money) to the programs they are interested in, and the programs have the opportunity to invite them for an interview (imagine a job interview mixed with a college interview, but way more nerve-wracking).

The applicant can choose whether or not to accept the interview depending on how many invites they received. My medical school advised graduating students to apply to at least thirty programs, assuming they were in good academic standing, had scored average or above in the USMLE for their desired specialty, and were not applying for the more competitive specialty. Later, must of us learned that thirty programs was a bit of an overkill for an American medical school (or at least, I did considering I was invited to interview at twenty-something programs).

So my 3DS XL had a bit of a freezing issue, and I had what can only be called a non-epileptic seizure

I had my old 3DS XL for about for years, and last week it started randomly freezing. Maybe because I've been playing Fire Emblem: Fates like it's 2004, whereas I used to play half an hour or so before this game came out. Today, I threw caution to the wind and decided to get a new DS.

It was an adventure, to say the least. And by "adventure", I mean a stream of unintelligible profanities.

First of all, there's a new 3DS XL that's cleverly called . . . well, here's the logo:

A focus group approved this

I can only assume this exists because the 3DS prints money for Nintendo. It looks sleeker, as if that matters, and it has the cartridge slot in a different place than the "old" 3DS. And some amiibo stuff I don't care about in the slightest. Originally, I bought this thing first because the Gamestop lady assured me, multiple times, that it took the same memory card as the "old" 3DS.

Spoiler alert: not it doesn't. The "old" 3DS takes an SHDS card while the "new" 3DS takes a micro SHDS card. You can tell it's more advanced because it has the word it's micro, and the future is about slimness.

Oh, and you have to unscrew the back of the "new" 3DS to put in a new memory card. I'm a hundred percent serious. This is something that Nintendo's engineers, as in more than one engineer, thought was a good idea. And the game testers were like "great idea, Ken! I can't believe we didn't think of this before!"

So I go back to the Gamestop lady, intending to get my old, possibly defective 3DS back. I can't because the Gamestop computer sets the price of any returned item at $9,999.99 until it's returned to the its factories for refractoring, or whatever it is they do to used system. I have no idea. I think I just made up that word.

But good news! I can get a used "old" 3DS XL which will accept my memory card, and now I'll have extra store credit to buy more 3DS games. I don't understand why they didn't just say that before, but okay. My fault for not researching the evolution of the DS. My fault. I get a new "old" 3DS XL.

And it doesn't matter! The DLC of my old "old" DS wasn't saved on my memory card. It was saved . . . on the DS itself? And I murdered the content once I reset my old "old" 3DS to its factory settings. Which is making my head explode.

In no particular order, I've lost:

1. Fire Emblem: Awakening
2. Bravely Default
3. Conquest path of Fire Emblem: Fates
4. Fates' DLC bundle
5. Person Q: Shadow of the Labyrinth
6. An amount of money I'm not comfortable disclosing
7. The cool red 3DS I used to have
8. My trust in the free market and capitalism 

This doctor money I'm getting starting July better be good.

I have a job, Nintendo. Why did you make Fates so hard?

If TVTropes is to be believed, then Fire Emblem: Awakening caused a civil war within the Fire Emblem fandom. See, older FE games had a "permadeath", meaning that if one of your soldiers died in the game board, then they died for real, and forever. If one of the main characters died, then the game was over and you had to restart that battle. This forced the player to plan out every last move if they wanted to survive each chapter with their army of characters intact.

I'm not going to lie; I was never one of the players who refused to let any single character die, no matter how minor. There was always at least one ax-wielding fellow who die in their introductory map because they insisted on spawning way too close to enemy soldier. Even when I was a teen with relatively large amounts of free time, I was not the greatest fan of the permadeath feature. So I'm one of the players who likes that Awakening introduced a casual mode.

That being said, Fates is difficult even on casual mode. Especially Conquest. I blame the stinginess of the RNG, which insists on giving out level ups that refuse to cover for each type of unit's weakness. For example, I give you my Charlotte:

From my 3DS' unwieldy screenshot-taking feature 

High HP, strength, and speed, but supbar skill, defense, and resistance. This means that, more than once, Charlotte has been murdered by the Nth or so enemy that ambushes her in some corner of the map or other. Most of the time it's my fault, I admit, because I forget that I can't do what I used to do with a berserker this far into other FE games. She will be killed by some random sorcerer. She will be criticalled by some random enemy swordmaster with a Killing Edge.

I'm planning to do a Hoshido run in Classic mode soon. Jesus take the wheel. In other news, Charlotte is one of my favorites. I married her to Prince Xander despite my pseudo-incest threat last post. 

  

Naked in Death: Roarke is vintage Edward Cullen

Buy on Amazon

As I said in a previous post, I read this book when I was in high school. Early high school, so we're talking fourteen-fifteen years old. Before getting the Kindle version about two weeks ago, I had only the vaguest memory of what the plot was about, only that I'd stumbled into the first "love scene" in the middle of gym class and had to put the book away. Looking back on it, the chances that anyone would have read over my shoulder for the two-page sex scene were close to nil.

This novel's plot is pretty standard for a thriller: NYC Police Lt. Eve Dallas has to solve the murder of a high-class "Licensed Companion" (escort) who was murdered in her home. For the sake of avoiding spoilers, I'll just say that it was pretty obvious from the crime scene that the murderer did not approve of the victim's chosen profession. The "futuristic" angle is that the murder weapon was a firearm, and Eve Dallas lives in some alternate reality where the USA has banned guns.

Hilariously, guns were banned in the early 2020s in this book. It was published in 1995, suggesting that people may have thought that a gun ban in the US would be possible? Maybe? But honestly, who cares? There are "stunners" in this series that effectively function the same way as guns do. I guess writers may find guns scary, but few want to give them up as a plot device.

The mystery works well enough, though I figured out who the killer was in the first part. And not just because this is the second time I read this book. My working theory is that this series' greatest selling point is the characters and, for the most part, they were compelling. Eve is smart and resourceful, and she has a shroud of loneliness about her that helps me feel scared for her even though the villains are never truly scary. In fact, I was surprised by how vulnerable Even was in this book, and how terribly she craves company even though she pretends not to. For example, this is what she says about her home:

She’d chosen the apartment years before because it was in a heavy ground and air pattern, and she liked the noise and crowds.

Note: Air traffic = flying cars.

I suppose I could be going all over zealous-English teacher about a small line, but nothing in a book happens by accident. Eve is a woman who values independence, but she chooses a home near noisy traffic because she likes to be reminded of crowds. That could mean nothing for a real person, but she's not a real person. I believe that Robb was trying to say something with this detail.

The rise and fall of my love affair with Square Enix

When I was in undergrad, I used to joke that I would be a licensed physician before Kingdom Hearts III was released. At the time, attending medical school was just a step above a pipe dream for me, yet here I am. Months away from starting residency, and Kingdom Hearts III is . . . I don't know, actually. Is it still even happening? How long has it been in production? Was the franchise just not as successful as I imagined? (Very possible, by the way. It's not like my teen self was business savvy.)

Months after every one else who might have cared, I got wind that SquareEnix is remaking Final Fantasy VII. I was surprised and a little disappointed by how little I cared. This is a game I played a lot as a kid, and I was even one of the few fools who bought Dirge of Cerberus at full price. Though I didn't watch Advent Children a million times as one of my friends did, I did enjoy it. Crisis Core remains one of my favorite games for the PSP, second to another Square title (the Final Fantasy X port). Yet my reaction to a FF VII remake is . . . meh.

'Meh' is a pretty good word to describe my current feelings for what was once one of my favorite videogame companies. There's no specific moment that shattered my illusions about their games, no instance that I can pin point that made me throw a controller against some wall and dramatically declare that I would never ever again give SquareEnix a cent. In fact, I've been playing Bravely Default this week, and the fact that I've enjoyed it so much is what triggered this post. I realized that I bought a SquareEnix game with every expectation to be disappointed, and that I was surprised not to regret the purchase.

Buy it on Amazon, if you like pressing A while listening to nice music

Though I didn't know it at the time, Final Fantasy XIII is where SquareEnix ceased to fill me with joy. Even I doubt I can adequately describe just how excited I was for this game, or even how I managed to afford it. All I know is that I had to work really hard to convince myself that I enjoyed it, and for a while I succeeded. I even forced myself to play through it during a Spring break (so I was in college when it came out, I guess).

I've blotted most of it from memory, or maybe it just wasn't good enough to stick with me, but FFXIII never really felt like a game. It was like an endless corridor with nice visuals, soothing music, and occasionally pressing A so the game could play itself. I don't remember NPCs, towns, side quests . . . even the characters are a blur. There was one with a lisp? I think.

In contrast, I could still write a semi-detailed synopsis of FFX even though it's been about as long since I played it. So it's not just that it's been so long since I played FXIII that I can't possibly be expected to remember it in detail.

According to babble on some gaming forums, the Fire Emblem franchise was in a bind before Awakening was released. Apparently, it was set to be the last game in the series. SquareEnix had been in a similar spot in the past and pulled through, so maybe they have it in them to make excellent games again. But I'd be lying if I said I had high hopes.

Fire Emblem Fates: just finished Birthright

It's late, at least for old ladies trapped in twenty-something's bodies like me. I have no intention of writing in-depth commentary here. No, I just intend to gripe about one specific thing.

For background, your FE characters can get married in game. If they do, they get a paired epilogue via flash card as the end credits roll by. It's a nice little bonus, specially for minor characters who don't get to appear on the game's ending scene. Also, I picked the female avatar because . . . well, there wasn't a reason. I just wanted to. I'll play the Conquest campaign as the male avatar, but I doubt there will be a difference.

Except on this next thing.

Married couples are all listed as "Male character did this and that, and his wife did this other thing, and they loved each other until the end of time, etc." I know this sounds like a tiny thing, but it's always the guy that's listed first. And it bugs me, like when that spot in your back you can't quite reach itches (I have a bad shoulder so there's actually a lot of my back that I can't reach, but I digress).

And it's not like I think the wife should always be listed first or something. In some cases, it makes sense for the guy to be lifted first. For example, "King Ryoma ushered an era of unprecedented peace in Hoshiodo blah blah blah, and his wife, that random unit the player paired him with, chilled as the queen etc." makes sense. The king (and more importantly, one of the main characters) gets listed first.

But it's always the guy first. Even when it's both relatively minor characters. And I was handling it. I mean, it's a tiny issue in the grand scheme of things. I side-eyed when we got to Princess Sakura and even though she's a princess, arguably as prominent as her brother Ryoma, she still got listed after her husband. I can't see why it wouldn't be "Princess Sakura dedicated her life to helping the poor, and her shady ninja husband lounged around in the castle looking hot. I guess. Who cares? They married for stats."

And then!

And then it was my (female) avatar's turn. And I got listed second in the game I paid for.

I am the main character, literally the chosen one of some dragon or other (I suspect I won't know until I play all three paths of the games). Anyway, I get listed after my own butler husband, who I married for his special ability that protects me in battle. And by the way, I was unsatisfied with the marriage. I should have gone with royal line pseudo-incest and married Ryoma (except there's not much pseudo about it) because I spent the entire game paired with him anyway.

You know what, I should play the Conquest as the female avatar and marry Prince Xander even though he's also my in-game brother (more than Ryoma if you want to get technical about it) and clearly the game doesn't care about decency.

In Death series by JD Robb: I can't believe there are more than forty of these books

Buy on Amazon.

I first read this book during my high school freshman year. Before picking it up today, I remembered little about it besides reaching a sex scene in gym class and being mortified that someone might be reading over my shoulder. To this day, I kind of wonder how the book made it to my school library. My theory is that another kid left the book there, and it somehow made its way into the catalog. I also remember that I became a huge fan of the series; a huge fan of Nora Roberts in general.

Now, at the ripe old age of twenty-six, I still hold Nora Roberts in high regard. I read so many of her books that I don't exactly stalk her publications any longer, but I still dream of someday achieving a tiny fraction of her success (nowhere close yet since I can't even write an ending). I need to start paying my student loans and wouldn't it be awesome if I could produce several bestsellers a year in any genre?

Throughout puberty and early college, I waited and saved for these books religiously. I still remember begging my mother to buy me a new hardcover (which went for something ridiculous like $32) the day it came out. I had to employ some emotional blackmail about the brandname shoes my brother had gotten the previous week. The book had a sleek blue cover. I don't remember the plot, just trying to read slower so it would "last" longer. Even then, I could read one of these in a day.

I'm not going to pretend that these books aren't formulaic. By now, I suspect Robb/Roberts has an . . . in Death template outlining where everything is supposed to happen; the first murder, the first argument between Eve and Roarke, the one party/outing with friends, the first of Eve's nightmares about the victims. Such repetitiveness might make some wrinkle their noses, but I see their value. And not just for Roberts as a writer, but for me as a reader. There's comfort in knowing I can pick up one of these books at any time and be entertained.

Besides, this series has solid characterization. The heroes are varied, sweet, and entertaining. By the time I got to the fifth book or so, I felt like they were my friends. Maybe that's why the series has been so successful. Who isn't willing to shell out some money a few times a year to reunite with some old friends?

Anyway, I picked up the first book in the series because the last few I read got some disgruntled reviews on Amazon questioning Roberts' commitment to these characters/this universe in general. Some are convinced that Roberts uses ghostwriters now (which I'm not necessarily against), and that Roberts is just publishing these for the money (which I'm also not necessarily against). Ghostwriter or not, disinterested author or not, what does it matter if I enjoyed myself as a reader?

Full disclosure: I personally enjoyed the latest books, but I read them in a whirlwind without paying much attention. Hence my decision to go all the way back to the beginning and analyze these books. Their quality might be in question, but their commercial success is not. What is it about these books that keeps people coming back?

I don't think it's the "sci fi elements", because this barely counts as futuristic. The first book was published in 1995, so the series has more of a retro feel. The murder mysteries themselves are not exactly riveting. The villains are often one-note. And as I admitted above, the books are incredibly repetitive. It must be the characters that are keeping the fanbase loyal.

Let's see if I change my mind as I re-read.