The Marvel Critic Conspiracy

As I made clear earlier, I did not like Dawn of Justice. If Rotten Tomatoes is to be believe, neither did most critics. Or youtubers (I would pick a videoreview to exemplify what I mean, but there's just too many).

Well, there's this youtuber, who believes Dawn of Justice is a "rock-hard, rectum-shredding, anus-prolapsing blockage." I thought it was a little over-the-top, but I laughed. Anyway, hatred for this movie took over the world like a zombie virus of disappointment, rage, and sadness. Or so I thought.

It seems that there are people who loved this film (seriously), and they've come to a certain conclusion about why the rest of the world (critics in particular), are trashing it: Marvel Studios payed them off.

Dawn of Justice: I don't know what I expected

My friend got food poisoning this Wednesday and I wanted to take him to this movie after leaving observation to distract him from any remaining stomach discomfort. This movie had one job: distraction for a couple of hours. Instead, I get distraction for mainly one hour. It was better than Man of Steel, but since I considered Man of Steel a hostage situation, that's not saying much.

There was a teaser for the Batman: Lego movie, which might have been the best part of the whole thing.

The teaser was different than the one above, but this one is still good.

Anyway, SPOILERS beneath the cut.

Batman vs Superman trailer: I kinda liked it

As I briefly mentioned in my recommendation of The Man from U. N. C. L. E., I thought Man of Steel was awful. I actually watched both movies with the same friend and I remember that neither of us was particularly energized after sitting through MoS.

So my expectations for BvS are less than enthusiastic (is that how Batman vs Superman is being abbreviated? I like it.) The trailer has made me cautiously . . . less pessimistic than I was before. I mean, I'm still burned from the disappointment that was Age of Ultron, especially after the great trailer.

Henry Cavill still looks constipated but I'm going to be lenient about that. After UNCLE, I know that's just the demeanor he's been instructed to adopt for Clark Kent. His face is still a work of art, for what it's worth. I can only pray he's allowed a moment of levity in the film. I'm not even asking for Marvel-esque Tony Stark quirks, but a moment of cleverness and sarcasm from Clark Kent would be appreciated.

I'm rooting for Batfleck. I've been rooting for him since the internet flipped out about his casting, as if this is more serious than a freaking superhero movie. He looks cool in the trailer. Good for him.

Wonder Woman has like a couple of shots and doesn't say anything. Lois Lane reassures Kent's constipated mug about his significance to the world. Whatever. This is a superhero movie. Female characters take the backstage, certainly during the promotional period.

The character who really grabbed my attention is Lex Luthor . . . who has been re-imagined as a scraggly millennial?

TVTropes tells me that the actor, Jesse Eisenberg, is known for playing obnoxious, socially awkward, genius types. He was in the Facebook movie that I didn't watch because there's nothing I care less about than Facebook.

Anyway, TVTropes also tells me that "fans" weren't happy with his casting because . . . who cares? Comic book fans are never happy about anything.

Personally though, I'm intrigued. What focus group, or which individual creative entity (I mean obviously, it was a focus group) decided that Lex Luthor, the embodiment of anti-corrupt corporate billionaire abuse and excess, should be played by a skinny, long-haired pretty boy?

I'm only a casual comic book fan (a fake geek girl, if you will), and even I picture a vaguely attractive but creepy looking middle aged white dude as Lex Luthor. And this kid looks like some English grad student stepping out of Starbucks in skinny jeans. I'm sure he's still a mogul of some type in the film itself, but the image that make up and costumes created for his character is fascinating. He's undoubtedly going to go bald in the movie itself, but I almost wish they'd let the character keep the messy hair.